I may be Weak

I’ve deleted this post 4 times now. Backspaced until I’ve refreshed my own screen, because although I am not comfortable with sharing, God won’t let me pipe down. I don’t feel like enough people talk about these problems in the church. Personally, I feel that a lot of Christians think that if you are a spiritual person and you have God as your “ride or die” if you will, that you shouldn’t have these feelings at all.

If you haven’t guessed by now, I’m talking about anxiety and depression. If you’re about to exit out because “ew gross.. no one wants to read anything depressing”, I encourage you to hold your horses and listen. If you’re someone who is struggling, I encourage you to write down the scripture I’m about to share with you and never forget that you are NOT alone.

If you’re still reading this, I want you to know that it’s okay to “walk through the valley of darkness” from time to time. My senior year of high school, I don’t remember feeling much of anything except guilt. I felt SO guilty. How could I feel so inadequate when I was created in His image? I couldn’t even be a “good” Christian in my own eyes. It was hard to feel that I could tell anyone at church because I felt that my feelings were invalid. Have you ever expressed your sadness to someone and they responded with “well you shouldn’t feel that way”? Doesn’t do much for you, does it? Well it didn’t for me. I sank and sank, until I was begging God to take my life. A lot like Elijah in 1 Kings 19. If you aren’t familiar read for yourself,

“Elijah was afraid and fled for his life. He went to Beersheba, a town in Judah, and he left his servant there. Then he went alone into the wilderness, traveling all day. He sat down under a solitary broom tree and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life, for I am not better than my ancestors who have already died.”

How powerful those words are to me. Elijah fell asleep after his prayer and woke up to bread and water from God. He wasn’t finished with him yet, and he isn’t finished with you. Sometimes we all just need a reminder that we have a purpose on this Earth and this is yours. God isn’t finished with you yet, you are so much more than you could ever know in his eyes.

JESUS EXPERIENCED THIS FEELING TOO. Matthew 26:38 “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death.” TO THE POINT OF DEATH? How assuring to know that the Jesus has been in our shoes, that we aren’t so different after all?

If you’re struggling and you can’t find the light trust that God sees you struggling and he will not give you anything you cannot handle. On top of that, if you are continually struggling, do not be ashamed to seek help. And do me a favor, please don’t add guilt to your heavy burdens. You are not alone in this, and you will never be. Being sad or anxious does not make you any less of a Christian. It’s a fact of life that we will feel brokenness  in this broken world. Just remember if you feel like you can’t stand on your own two feet, His hands are always open to help you back up. You just have to trust in Him. You are so beautiful my darling, so let me leave you with this….

Psalm 73:21-26

“Then I realized that my heart was bitter,
and I was all torn up inside.
I was so foolish and ignorant-
I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you.
Yet I still belong to you;
you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
leading me to a glorious destiny.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
I desire you more than anything on earth.
My health my fail, and mu spirit may grow weak,
but God remains the strength of my heart;
he is mine forever.”

peace and blessings XOXO

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