I’ve written about you before, and I promise I’m not picking on you. I just have a story I feel I need to share with you. When I met Christian (my fiancé) we both had so many idols in our life. Alcohol, clothing, parties, just to name a few. I had been lonely for so long that I had strategically placed things in my #1 spot, trying to convince myself that I wasn’t. Because if I was going out having a good time than I was doing okay, I was “single and loving life.” Or at least convincing myself I was okay when really I was struggling to keep my head above water. But when I met Christian, things were different. I fell head over heels with this sweet, funny, charming young man and suddenly.. he became my #1.
You’re probably thinking… okay great, thanks for rubbing that in my face. Like thanks Ally that’s exactly what I wanted to read, your stupid love story. But that’s not the point of this at all. If you were to ask me where God was on my priorities list in the first couple months I had been dating Christian. I probably couldn’t have given you an answer because I don’t think he made the cut at all. That isn’t Christian’s fault, I just thought growing up that if you love someone you were supposed to give them every single part of you and that’s what I did. I consumed myself with him and he did the same with me. I lost my relationship with Christ because I didn’t “leave room for Jesus”. I become more concerned with worshipping my relationship than worshipping God.
But a relationship without God, doesn’t have much of a foundation to stand on. How was I supposed to know how to love Christian, when I didn’t even know how to love my Lord? That may sound crazy, but I wanted to love Christian the way the Lord loves me and at that time neither of us really knew how. And when earthly idols started to get in the way of each other, things started to crumble a little.
GASP.. says the crowd. Well how are you engaged now? I thought this was a love story? It is. We both took a step back to look at our relationship and we felt like something was missing. I think for a long time we kept trying to fill it with earthly things and struggled communicating what we both needed. Until we both realized it was God. When God is at the center of your relationship, things start to piece together. How great to love a man who reminds me to spend time with my Lord everyday. How grateful I am to love a man who shows me mercy and grace when I make mistakes. How humbling it is to put my pride aside sometimes and watch him do the same because it doesn’t matter who is right or wrong in an argument but that we are humble like the big guy upstairs.
“Matthew had been married for five years when his marriage began to struggle. He took his concerns to the Lord and asked Him to supernaturally infiltrate his circumstances. While searching the Scripture, Matthew was reminded of how God had given His life for him even when he didn’t deserve it. He knew God was asking him to love his wife the same way he was loved by God: unconditionally and completely. Matthew asked the Lord to allow him to see his wife through the Lord’s eyes. He emerged from his time with the Lord and noticed a change. His wife was the same, his marriage was the same, but he was different. God’s voice had changed him. He saw his wife in a brand new way. Thirty-five years later, this couple testifies to the changing power of God’s word.”
How amazing is it to love someone through the eyes of the Lord. Nothing has changed in my relationship from the early struggles except that we both made the decision to stop idolizing earthly things, and put God before anything.
“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:34-35)
I was lonely like you. Ask all of my friends, I was boy crazzyyyy in high school (sorry mom). I put love on a pedestal because I convinced myself that being single for the rest of my life was the scariest thing that this world has to offer. But I’ve learned, that choosing anything before God, is way scarier than that. Actively search for Him. Make him your #1 goal. Take time to “Date God” and put aside alone time with Him everyday. Because when the right guy does come along, and he will, you want the creator of the universe to be there through it all. I can’t tell you indescribable it is to wake up everyday and know that the man laying next to me loves me through the eyes of my Lord.
So if that’s you, if you feel like you can’t keep your head above the water. You’ve treaded just about as much as you can and you’re just exhausted. Don’t look for anything else to save you. Stop looking for a man to be your knight in shining armor. Don’t reach for the bottle of vodka because it convinces you might be okay. Look up. Fall in love with the word of God and find a man who falls in love with that. I saw a post yesterday from a friend that said, “You should be actively searching God so much, that a man has to find him to get to you.” How true that is. It’s okay to find love, to get swept off your feet, even in times of struggle. But it does you no good to leave God in the cloud of dust.
peace and blessings XOXOX