Green Light

I took the time today to re-read a chapter out of a book I got a couple months ago called “Simply Tuesday” by Emily Freeman. She writes, “I say I have faith, things hoped for but not seen, but when I really burrow down deep into my soul, I wonder. Faith doesn’t mean waiting for understanding or clarity. Faith means trusting God in the midst of misunderstanding and lack of clarity.”

She goes on to say, and this is my favorite line, “Sometimes faith feels like nothing.”

Why is this my favorite line you ask? Well thank you kind stranger let me elaborate. Over the years I have confused the word clarity with the word peace. I have caught myself time and time again asking God during prayer for clarity on pop ups in my life. Yes, I call them pop ups, why? Because they’re messy, and get in the way of my ultimate goal either by slowing down the process or freezing up my timeline. Isn’t it frustrating? It’s easy to blame God for letting things in the way or what you’re working towards. Anyway, I was begging for answer after answer on what he wanted me to do. Sometimes I just want God to flash a big sign that says, “GO THIS WAY ALLY!” or “WATCH OUT”.

Which pegs the question, if I’m waiting for a green light from God, what does that look like? For me, I have come to the conclusion that sometimes, my green light, comes from sitting. I’ll repeat that line again, “Sometimes faith feels like nothing.” I’m not trying to be cliché or go all Carrie Underwood on you folks, but Jesus please take the wheel. I find the most “CLARITY” and I’m using that word right now, from just sitting and giving it all to God in the midst of my struggles.

One of my favorite stories of the Bible comes from Luke 10:38, and it’s the story of Martha and Mary.

“As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”
But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Raise your hand if you’ve found yourself being more like Martha than Mary! *insert sassy girl emoji* Time and time again I’ve found that I have a hard time just sitting down with God soaking in His word. It’s become almost as if we want God to work and move in our life but only in big ways. I want him to speak to me, but I want it to be dramatic. Where is my message sent through a burning bush? It becomes unfair when we hear of God working in other peoples lives when we feel like we’ve done everything we can do and ask of God and we feel as though they haven’t been as faithful. But have you sat down with Him? Have you sat in silence and just listened and meditated on his word? Or do you wake up in the morning and open Facebook and indulge in the word of your peers? Hey, I’m guilty. Ask my fiancé, I have trouble getting off of my social media too.

If we as Christians don’t take time away from our busy lives to meditate on His word, how will we know when He is speaking to us? Priscilla Shirer says, “The more scripture you have hidden in your heart, the more opportunity He will have to bring it to your mind and direct you. Our goal should be to saturate ourselves in His word.” Be a biblical sponge. Absorb as much of His glory and truth as you can.

I know what you’re thinking.. how the heck did she end up talking about scripture AGAIN when we were supposed to be determining what a green light looked like? But my friend, that’s just it. Spend your time reading scripture and learning how to discern God’s voice instead of convincing yourself that you feel peace about a situation so it “must” be God. There is no probably or maybe with God. He IS the way, the truth, and the life.

So get off of Facebook, take a break from your busy schedule, and sit down on a park bench. Get out your bible. Listen to the words He spoke, to the lessons He taught and the miracles he created. You are one of them darling.

“Colossians 3:15 says that the peace of God should rule our hearts, not our circumstances. We can’t depend on what our circumstances say to determine what God is doing. We must always look inward first and move according to the Holy Spirit’s witness in accordance with God’s Word. When peace rules in our hearts we can confidently move forward regardless of what external circumstances look or feel like and regardless of what others say.”

God is your green light. So go.

peace and blessings XOXOX

 

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I may be Weak

I’ve deleted this post 4 times now. Backspaced until I’ve refreshed my own screen, because although I am not comfortable with sharing, God won’t let me pipe down. I don’t feel like enough people talk about these problems in the church. Personally, I feel that a lot of Christians think that if you are a spiritual person and you have God as your “ride or die” if you will, that you shouldn’t have these feelings at all.

If you haven’t guessed by now, I’m talking about anxiety and depression. If you’re about to exit out because “ew gross.. no one wants to read anything depressing”, I encourage you to hold your horses and listen. If you’re someone who is struggling, I encourage you to write down the scripture I’m about to share with you and never forget that you are NOT alone.

If you’re still reading this, I want you to know that it’s okay to “walk through the valley of darkness” from time to time. My senior year of high school, I don’t remember feeling much of anything except guilt. I felt SO guilty. How could I feel so inadequate when I was created in His image? I couldn’t even be a “good” Christian in my own eyes. It was hard to feel that I could tell anyone at church because I felt that my feelings were invalid. Have you ever expressed your sadness to someone and they responded with “well you shouldn’t feel that way”? Doesn’t do much for you, does it? Well it didn’t for me. I sank and sank, until I was begging God to take my life. A lot like Elijah in 1 Kings 19. If you aren’t familiar read for yourself,

“Elijah was afraid and fled for his life. He went to Beersheba, a town in Judah, and he left his servant there. Then he went alone into the wilderness, traveling all day. He sat down under a solitary broom tree and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life, for I am not better than my ancestors who have already died.”

How powerful those words are to me. Elijah fell asleep after his prayer and woke up to bread and water from God. He wasn’t finished with him yet, and he isn’t finished with you. Sometimes we all just need a reminder that we have a purpose on this Earth and this is yours. God isn’t finished with you yet, you are so much more than you could ever know in his eyes.

JESUS EXPERIENCED THIS FEELING TOO. Matthew 26:38 “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death.” TO THE POINT OF DEATH? How assuring to know that the Jesus has been in our shoes, that we aren’t so different after all?

If you’re struggling and you can’t find the light trust that God sees you struggling and he will not give you anything you cannot handle. On top of that, if you are continually struggling, do not be ashamed to seek help. And do me a favor, please don’t add guilt to your heavy burdens. You are not alone in this, and you will never be. Being sad or anxious does not make you any less of a Christian. It’s a fact of life that we will feel brokenness  in this broken world. Just remember if you feel like you can’t stand on your own two feet, His hands are always open to help you back up. You just have to trust in Him. You are so beautiful my darling, so let me leave you with this….

Psalm 73:21-26

“Then I realized that my heart was bitter,
and I was all torn up inside.
I was so foolish and ignorant-
I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you.
Yet I still belong to you;
you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
leading me to a glorious destiny.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
I desire you more than anything on earth.
My health my fail, and mu spirit may grow weak,
but God remains the strength of my heart;
he is mine forever.”

peace and blessings XOXO